I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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