So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
