I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
