Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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