Your mouth is God's brothel.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
