and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
