so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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