Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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