It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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