So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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