D3 body, D1 cock
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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