It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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