I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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