I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
