They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
