She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
