3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just gargled with NyQuil
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
