1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
