What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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