yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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