Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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