i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
