It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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