My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize