I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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