I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
