Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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