The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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