yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
