May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
