I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
