Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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