Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
