i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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