Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
