He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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