I could have mohawked her pubes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
