This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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