And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
