You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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