getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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