It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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