the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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