he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
