4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
