is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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