her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
