I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
