So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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