Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
