I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
