I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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