hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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