Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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