how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
