This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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