I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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