I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
