well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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