I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
