yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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