So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
two words: eviction party
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
