I need to stop coming to work sober
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
